I Human

This is a little piece I wrote in the 1st lockdown of 2020 in Melbourne. It was a call for courage, a call for resilience, a call for optimistically fuelled grit and determination. This time in Melbourne for me, had been both a nightmare and a gift. It provided some frightening financial possibilities that drove my anxiety wild and made my fears roar loudly.

This lockdown, touted the toughest in the World, was so difficult emotionally & psychologically, particularly for people like me, who essentially live alone 8 nights a fortnight.

It was also an opportunity to just sit in such solitary and lonely introspection, to relive and re-experience past pains, and to heal them, with compassion for self, and relentless pursuit of what is actually so, what is the truth, my truth. In the end, and theres no actual real, this has been a sprinted effort on the very long journey of falling in love with myself. #gratitude

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Trapped in my unnatural state of isolation

My mind and I have travelled down some rugged terrain

Anchored in the basic need for survival

Ever vigilant about the costs and opportunity of ubiquitous struggle

Can I skilfully avoid being a victim of an ever threatening environment

Can I maintain a resilience of thoughts

Can I draw upon the thinking that leads me to prosperity

Can I avoid the threatening calls for me to resign to a demise

Can I draw deeply upon my spirit

My intentions

Can I with a heart, so full of love

Bestow a love toward my own self

So that I can, in fact, be of service to so many suffering

Can I rise above my own self doubt and insecurities

To take this challenge on

The epic battle of nodes in my neural pathways

Knowing that the power I can apply

Resides in the very same place as my own imagined enemies

Can I draw upon my heart

So that my child is left with the certainty of my bravery

So that my family can worry not a moment for my safety

And so that my community can be lead by the light I create in my own mind

Both light and dark are within me

And in the midst of this battle

I remain dedicated to a being that serves my victory

I continue to fight the darkness that I also possess

In the hope that new expectations of something more

Can propel us all to something better

I am as brittle as the glass through which I can see the world

As forceful and powerful as the the miracle of my biology

I am but a subject of my own enquiry

A result of my practice

An outcome of my desires

A force of my own reckoning

I am human

With love,

Scotty M