Just be yourself Dad
My cousin Ryan and I, just before setting off to play Baseball for QLD for the first of many times in my life (aged 12)
This is a 1st for me and a 5th for me.
It’s the 5th time I have written a personal blog.
This the first time it is an honest and genuine account of who I really am, and that has , for me at least, taken some doing.
All of my previous attempts came from a guy who believed, he had to show up how others wanted him to, so that he would be accepted, seen and good enough in the eyes of others.
This part of myself, the insecurities, doubts and feelings of fear an anxiety, drove me for years, they very near drove me mad. This part of myself was hidden, extremely well, behind layers and layers of ego, bravado, aggression and poor choices.
In fact, it was hidden so well that people thought I was over confident and some even thought I was conceited. This consistently took my breath away, and the incongruences of my heart and my actions got louder and louder, until I was broken open to get to right here, in this moment with you.
Little did I know that I had to accept and bring love and compassion to myself first, before I could genuinely make any expression of that soul, that heart and that spirit that lives inside of me.
In fact, the title of this post is down to me, a single Dad, going on a coffee Date a few months back and my beautiful little 11 year old daughter saying to me as I walked out the door, “Just be yourself Dad” which seemed a perfect expression of my stated intention here.
As placeholders for some of the thoughts and loves that have driven me here, I have begun by time stamping some pieces of writing I have done along the journey (I’ve done a lot), I may add more historic pieces too, but to own my story, I feel compelled to share these openly, how much can be decided later. I have planned this for a very very long time and the articles that are yet to be written are ideated in hundreds and hundreds of digital notes.
That said, I will take my time, and decide, with your help, what is relevant. I am genuinely hopeful that you join this community aimed at helping people to #softenthefckup .(people who know me, know that this is the only genuine way I can say it, so I do apologise if the title offends).
The title is a protest, I realised after thinking I invented it (I didn’t), that was a campaign in 2012, aimed at solving the mental health crisis that Australian men still face. I guess my idea is the same, except that it isn’t just for men, it’s for everyone and every orientation and self identity who is sick and tired of hardening up, and applying grit or as the Australian saying goes, to “harden the fuck up” to cope with the world the way it is experienced by many of us . I will not commit the same sins of hypocrisy I have personally experienced expressed on my journey. The clumsy, ill informed, unbalanced, foolish and ironically sexist expressions of equality; this is for everyone.
I’m still leaning into the discomfort and joy of being genuinely seen for me, and so I expect I will make some mistakes along the way too.
Now it is with so much joy and gratitude for myself, my determinations , persistence and resilience, I am here, to speak my truth, admit my mistakes, share my learnings and learn from you too.
I want to talk about the things.
I am by no means a perfect expression of my heart , but I am getting closer every day because I keep walking, I keep moving toward who I truly am. These days I do this with ever increasing doses of self awareness, honest account and love and self compassion for my imperfections.
I am proud of who I’ve become and I’m ok with others not accepting it, I am who I am, and I’m more and more happy with that everyday.
I’m proud of the father, human, leader, friend & humanitarian I am and I commit to continue to try and be each day.
My open intention for this conversation, is that it is for both men and women who believe that what the world is asking of them, is not actually them, people who have a strong desire to genuinely and authentically be happy to show up in life as they are, to continuously reduce the incongruences to self, required by the expectations of society. People who feel free enough to openly stand in their truth, their pain, their suffering, their regrets, their healing, their joys and the abundance of their souls.
Please join me in this conversation. I share it wholeheartedly, as an act of love toward myself and in the hope that the things I talk about here are of service to others, like you. All I ask of myself, or others so willing to join that conversation, is that bring a loving curiosity for all. That we have a default position going in; That we all are doing our best and that we understand that everyone else is doing their best, so I ask you to bring kindness and curiosity and enjoy the pleasant surprises afforded us by our well honed judgements.
Much Love,
Scott
